"Perfect Situation" by Weezer

First of all I would like to say that though the song of the day "Perfect Situation" by Weezer is a romantically inclined song this post is not about romantic relationships persay.

Today pretty much sucked. I have been late for 3/4 class, and I was only on time to one because it directly followed a class I had been late for.

In my class the most bizarre thing happened that though funny now was quite embarrassing at the time. I set my papers on my desk and turned to talk to a friend (The teacher hadn't quite started yet) and as I did so my lecture notes fell to the ground, and one of them (the starting page for that days lecture) managed to get sucked into the air conditioning unit on the wall next to me. Jeb witnessed this and told me about it. I didn't believe him at first but after going through my papers I found that he was incredibly correct in his statement. Following that realization were a series of apologies from me to him, that the teacher over heard. "Matt?" she called out, "is something wrong." My face turned red as I prepared to tell her what would surely sound like a less likely story than that my dog had eaten my notes.

"Um," I began, "I know this sounds crazy but my paper has been sucked up into the AC unit."

"Really?"

"Yes Ma'am," I said the class beginning to snicker. But it quickly settled down. I did eventually retrieve the rouge sheet after some prying.

But the real coup de gras of the day was that just between my core excersizes in my room and my upper body exercizes in the gym I recieved a phone call from a girl.

She was inviting me to join her in the student center for some taco bell and presumably some light conversation. This had occured several times in spontaneous burst, but my mind apparently decided this was the time it wanted to take a coffee break and it would be back in about five minutes, meanwhile instinct was left to figure out the controls.

I fumbled for words (suprised at the invite). I could hear every logical thought saying "yes," but as I said my brain was having a nice espresso somewhere. Instead I chose to tell the stupid series of lies I've told since I was five and tried to explain how my toys had been left in the rain when I had been playing by myself that day, without putting blame on me.

The conversation was something to the effect of the following:

Me:"i have no money" (lie)

Her:"Not even DCB"

Me: "No, I've spent it all"(Lie)

Her: "Really did you have $200?"

Me: "No I only had a hundred," (LIE)

Her: "I thought all freshman had to get the $200 dollar thing?"

Me: "I dunno I just didn't" (LIE!)

Her: "Well are you going to the caf" (an apparent attempt at compromise)

Me: "Actually I was about to go to the gym" (true but still a stupid response)

Her: "Oh well okay. Have fun"

It was at about this moment that my brain returned to the room with a small whip cream mustache and yelled "what is wrong with you?!" To which instinct could only respond that it wasn't trained for these kinds of encounters.

All joking aside, the question I'm asking myself is why did I behave like I did?

I didn't consider this invitation any kind of romantic encounter, I'm able to talk to this girl on a regular basis, so why the idiotic behavior?

The best answer I can come up with is that I still haven't gotten over certain traumatic aspects of my strained relationship with my mom. When she left, or more over because of the manner in which she left, I lost my ability to establish meaningful relationships with women. For the most part I have maintained those preexisting relationships, but beginning new ones is difficult for me.

This invitation seemed to offer a chance at establishing such a relationship, and I couldn't let that happen.

I pray that I will have the strength to overcome this weakness.

-matt