"Have It All" by Jeremy Kay

I need to update more often.

The most recent events have been some of the most interesting. I went down to Mobile to see my mom for Christmas. Almost everyday we went to see my Grandmuzh and Uncle Andrew, but we only go to see my cousin Bowen twice. This quickly irratated my mom. We had agreed to go open presents with our dad's family on Christmas day around two, because after present opening with our mom and Christmas lunch there wasn't much else we were going to do. When my mom found out she tried to make us go see some of her family luckily she got a headache so we didn't have too.

I met Tim, my mom's live-in boyfriend. It took me a while to accept that he hadn't wronged me, he was just in a strange circumstance and I should treat him fairly. I will say that he seems to have a lot of qualities in common with my dad except that he doesn't try to regulate her spending, mostly because there isn't much for her to spend (the Starbucks Ass. Manager doesn't get paid that well).

It was an interesting visit full of highs and lows, but I don't intend to dwell on it.

And so now its time for the traditional end of the year wrap up!

Despite all thats happened I think I can safely say that this has been the best year of my life, at least where personal growth is concerned.

I've gone through many trials and tribulations (see this and older blogs for more details), but I've managed to come out on top.

I am now more confident than ever in who I am as a person; I'm taking better care of myself physically; I'm going to school and doing well; and most of all, because of all of this, I have become more confident in myself as a person.

I'm not going to sit around and list every negative thing that has happened to me this year, because, there are too many and most of them appear somewhere in my blogs.

I will say that this is the first year I can look back on and see more good than bad.

The song for the day is "Have It All" by Jeremy Kay because "Some days I feel like crying..." and "Some days I feel like singing..."

-matt

"Story of a Girl" by Nine Days

You know its awe-inspiring how incredible God can be.

In my last post I discussed the problems my family was having in regards to moving. Well, on tuesday night of finals week I found out that we were good to go when it came to moving. I spent an entire night not sleeping; all I could think about was the unfortunate circumstances they were headed to despite a cushy job for my dad. Wednesday after my last final I called my dad to get more details when he told me that we/they, weren't moving.

I was so relieved. When I asked him why he said that not long after the confirmation call with the man he would be working under. He received word from his brother that he (my uncle) had been let go, and so had the man who had hired my father. My dad couldn't have phrased it any better, "There was no clearer sign for me not to move and take that job, than when the guy who was hiring me got sacked.

You see aparently the hospital, or its parent company, had been struggling for a while and the owner had finally decided to let go of several key members of the administration. Whether or not this was an attempt to bring in a new administration was not made clear. However my dad found clarity enough to stay.

We are still moving but it will be in Huntsville rather than Mobile. Thats one problem down.

I've still not learned that much more about reading signs with girls and I'm afraid that with most of them, even if I was to get up the nerve to ask them out, what am I to do? Ask them on a date where they drive and we have to go dutch because I have no money? Not my idea of a romantic evening, or for that matter an enjoyable one. Admittedly I've been on very few first dates in my life but in every situation I was able to drive my beater of a car to pick them up and pay the cost of the outing and down-grading really isn't in the cards so unless they find the caf or the student center, and a free friday movie in the Benson interesting then I'm pretty well boned.

Oh and let us not forget the impending trip I'm taking to Mobile this Saturday to visit with my mom and other family. I'm not looking forward to it. At least not as much as people seem to expect I should. I mean whenever I mention that I'm going to see her people, usually unfamiliar with the story surrounding this event, expect some level of exuberance; they are too often disappointed. Honestly my goal is to go the entire trip without arguing with her, which really just depends on how many times I can handle the lies she believes about what went down between her and us.

I'm worried for Liz, too. Not just with my mom, but all of it. In the last year or so, her mother left her, I went to school and then my grandmother quit on us, too, more for financial than personal reasons. If Liz walks out of all of this without abandonment issues I'll be amazed. Its hard for me to be around her knowing that she is stuck in all of this mess and in less than a month I'll be living a pretty decent life in a dorm with my friends. What kind of brother does that to his sister, seriously? A pretty shitty one. I mean I know that if I was here it wouldn't do her much better, but atleast she'd have someone to suffer the hardship with her. As it is she just has all the church people and her friends, most of whom have two effective parents and are fairly well off financially. I don't blame them for it, or hold it against them, but only arrogance or ignorance could convince someone in their position that they could understand what she is going through.

I'm the closest one to her situation and what did I do? I left. I left and when 300 someodd miles away to go to school. I haven't ever truly wanted for much in this life. Never have I so desperately for anything as I wish that I could help her. I wish I could protect her from the pain she feels, pain that I wouldn't wish on any enemy. The pain of hearing your mom's voice as she tells you she is leaving and moving away, to help herself, while you stay behind left to God knows what trials. My only wish the Christmas has been that she would have a good one, free from the pain and the stress that this world has chosen to deal to her.

I walked into her room tonight. Just to say goodnight and we got to talking about this and that what we got dad for christmas, and so on when in mid-sentence she dropped the phone in her hand and stared at me with pain in her eyes, tears welling up. She said, "I didn't get you anything." Tears came down her face at that realization. I tried to console her and let her know that I didn't want for anything in my life, and that she didn't owe me a thing, but she knew I had gotten her something, and guilt overtook her for a moment. I wish I could protect her from the pain that made her cry.

I don't know much about this world. I don't know a laserjet printer works, or how exactly you can burn information on to a disc. I don't understand how we can get such clear images of images as far away as the planets other stars. But one thing I do know is that I would give anything to see her happy, and I will hurt anyone who causes her pain. There isn't much in this world I can call my own. A dad, an estranged mother, and the mounds of trouble she has caused us, but the one thing I know more than anything is that I have a sister that I love dearly, one I would do anything for regardless of the cost to me. And I know that I hate that pained look on her face, it hurts me more than anything else in this world.

Those are the biggest things on my plate right now. The song of the day is "Story of a Girl" by Nine Days, because, "This is the story of a girl ,who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her, when she smiles."

-matt

Ps (pardon the language, even with a broad vocabulary the four letter word is the most expressive)

"Overkill" by Colin Hay

Wow nearly a month without a post that's a problem.

Lets see since then alot has happened, hence the craziness of this busy time. I'm balancing alot on my plate right now.

Most importantly my family is considering moving to back to Mobile, Al. My uncle has arranged for my dad to interview for the position of Head of the Imaging Department at Springhill Hospital. Its a big deal because without the help of my Uncle my dad couldn't even dream of such a position. It would pay a good deal more than his current job and he'd be able to afford all sorts of things for the family me and Liz he never could have before. There is even a condo with his name on it.

So why turn down such an amazing offer? Among other things they/we would be moving away from all of our friends as well as our church family, and they'd be moving away from people who love them to what? My mom, and a bunch of my dads old friends, most of whom he doesn't like. Few people he knows down there are spiritually guided, my grandmother (his mother) being one of them. Honestly, as much as I would like to have a safer financial family future I don't think it's worth the cost.

On other fronts, I'm getting kind of worn out with some of my friends, apparently they find it funny that I reference my home alot. I made the mistake of telling Josh that I was from Mobile originally and he does his best to reference it at every turn. I've tried to explain to him why I don't enjoy hearing about Mobile, and lets just say it has nothing to do with the potential move. I hate to say it but I may have to cut myself off from them if they keep doing this. I'm sick of being disrespected by so called friends.

Most of them have no idea what I'm going through, no idea the kind of pain I'm suffering from because of what has happened to me.

I'm so sick of trying to figure out whats going on between me and Brittany. Sometimes I think she likes me others I don't and with everything else on my plate that my be the first thing to drop.

The song of the day is "Overkill" by Colin Hay, because thats what all this is overkill.

-matt

"Across 110th Street" by Bobby Womack

Ok, so I'm not sure what do.

See my friend and a girl seem to have this wierd flirty friendship goin on, and since I hang out with him almost every day. I'm around it, and more importantly I'm around one of her friends. Her friend is really a wonderful girl. She is witty, cute, and funny. The thing is that I'm only ever around her when our friends are around, and we get along well, but we never interact outside of that, and there is the occasional sense that there is this other (taken) guy she is interested in. I'd like to ask her out, but I don't know if she even sees me that way so...ugh.

Anyway went and saw American Gangster which is by far the most impressive organized crime movie I've ever seen in theatre's.

The song for the day is "Across 110th Street" by Bobby Womack, which is a great song to summarize the movie.

-matt

"How to Save a Life" by The Fray

Its been over a week since I've posted, I know forever right?

Anyway my friends all survived pledge week, Its been pretty good. I found out that I did well on a bible test (because he announced it to the class, quite embarrassing.) I went out and celebrated a friend's birthday in Little Rock, and then went over to riverside and hung out. It was a really good time.

Now my friend Chase is coming into town for Bison Daze, and staying with me I'm really pumped.

The song of the day is "How to Save a Life" by The Fray, because I just watched the episode of Scrubs "My Lunch" which has got to be one of the greatest episodes I've ever seen.

-matt

"Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson

Well first things first, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Harding's club week let me fill you in.

STEP 1: Mixers Over the course of 3-4 weeks at the beginning of the fall semester, all of the Social Clubs (Church of Christ's version of fraternities and sororities) hold mixers inviting non-members to meet the active members with the intent of joining that particular club. The real key to this portion of the process is to meet as many members of the club as possible.

STEP 2: Visitation The following week or 2 is visitation. If you reach this point of the process you have obviously known enough people to survive the first voting session. At this stage you go around to the various member's Dorms/Apartments and get to know them better. The real key to this process is to really get to know the members and to let them get to know you, so don't just pop in and say hi. Remember that they have found you acceptable thus far in the process, so be yourself.

STEP 3: Club Week This is the home stretch of the Club process. It begins on a Sunday(known as Bid day) and runs until the following weekend, usually a Friday (known as Rough Day due to the longer hours and tougher tasks). By this point the club has approved you. This is important to remember, because it means that they want you in their club. This week is an entirely different ball game. Every club runs theirs differently, but there are a few SOPs. You are issued a notebook, which is really almost the centerpiece of the week. Within the bindings of the book are various assignments including (but not limited to) member signatures, mini & major dates, coloring assignments, tasks to appease the Queens, essays to right, etc. Many clubs require some sort of dress code to be followed the entire week (dress clothes, all inductees match, etc.) Past all of this are the other tasks, which vary between interclub games, service projects, exercises marches, and other things that will get you filthy and tired. But like Coach Boone said in Remember the Titans, "If you survive the camp you will be on the team...If you survive."

I say all this to say that it has been my task all week to sit and watch my friends go through this process (having not gotten the bid to my club). At first I was incredibly bitter and all I could think about was how unfair it was that I didn't even have a shot to try again until next year. However, as the week as progressed I've found myself with fewer and fewer negative feelings toward those pledging Gamma Sigma Phi. I never felt any distaste for them mind you; I was just envious of them. I have done everything I can to be supportive of them and all of my friends. Whenever I feel those negative feelings building I just remember what one of the GSP members (Jacob Hawk) told me, "All of this club stuff their doing is just for the jersey." Several of the members knew I was feeling down about not being inducted this year, and had taken me aside, but that statement really softened my heart and made helping those that were pledging easier.

I'm still not exactly ecstatic about not getting to join until next year, but some of the pledges, in particular my friends Braden and Matt, have already told me that they consider me their unofficial pledge brother. I'm using this year to get to know the members, and hopefully I will get a chance to pledge next year.

The song of the day is "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson. Because this song is all about taking it slow and pretending that its the weekend which I wish I could do.

-matt

"Pride Goes before a Fall" by Jim Reeves

Wow. LSU over Auburn 30-24. Honestly I'm not pissed about the loss itself, once they were inside field goal range it seemed inevitable. what bothers me is the gall of Les Miles. He is by far the luckiest coach I have ever watched. I've followed LSU all season and time after time (especially against Florida) he would put it all on the line and get away with it. He denies ever convention of modern coaching, and he GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!

With 16 ticks left on the clock he calls a pass, A PASS IN FIELD GOAL RANGE!!! A field goal would do it. It would win the game for him, but no, friggin Miles needs to boost his own ego and go for a 6 when 3 is fine. He goes for it, and he gets it. A throw into coverage gets pulled down.

I would say that it was a brilliant call, but Les Miles summary of the game was to the affect that if it had failed he would have had time for a field goal, because he had a time out. The fact of the matter is that if it had failed that would have been it. The clock ticked to :01 as the reception came down. if it had been deflected the clock would have ticked to 0:00 and that would have been a loss.

Even sports analyst don't hand this one too him without the disclaimer that it was the riskiest move he could have made IN FIELD GOAL RANGE! One analyst even likened him to a kid playing playstation.

the song of the day is "Pride Goes before a Fall" by Jim Reeves. because it says it better as good as anyone, "Ain't it funny how pride goes before a fall, "

-matt

"Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters

Do you ever have one of those days when you wake up you look around and you know that you should just go back to bed, but you don't listen, and then everything that happens after that just reinforces that first thought?

Today has been one of those days.

I woke up with 5 minutes to get dressed and get to class. Needless to say that didn't happen. The class was definitely not worth the runny-walky thing I did on the way there, it was slow and just a talk about things relating to our rough drafts.

I ran by the caf to grab a bite and was late to bible, which was good, but a friend just really got on my nerves. He always feels the need to say something, about what someone else said. He is a really intellegent guy, but sometimes he is just too smart for his own good. He can't seem to just sit back and let a statement go by unanswered. We were walking outside for a class thing, and he made some comment about the lecture so far, and I told him to be quiet, but he persisted. Eventually I just snapped on him, and told him I wasn't in the mood for his quips right now. He tossed out one more and I let him know I wasn't playing around.

I think at this point if I'm really going to continue this blog I should let all reader's in on the theory my friend and I have that we call "the three week rule."

The theory is more specific to women, but it isn't exclusive. The base of the theory is this: when two people of the opposite sex begin to interact, there is always the potential for a romantic relationship, and for the first three weeks of that relationship as they get to know each other, the girl tends to be enamored with the guy (if there was a spark in the initiating phase of there relationship). The rule itself applies to the idea that after that three week period if nothing is beyond traditional interaction is initiated, the girl's infatuation will fall away fairly quickly.

It is not a hard and fast rule, but it is one that I feel applies to most cases. Every guy has had something happen to them with a girl that follows this rule.

This rule seems to be activating itself in my current girl situation, so I dunno.

The song for the day is "Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters, cuz there is one in the machinery right now.

-matt

"Fall into Sleep" by Mudvayne

So midterm week has ended for me. Studied all the stuff, and taken all the tests, and I'm feeling pretty good about them. however I am extremely tired. Mostly because I started the week tired and its just stacked up on me.

Honestly, If there is any advice I can give to those who come after me it is this: get all the sleep you can on the weekend, cuz you certainly won't get it during the week.

This past wednesday, I got to give my first real lesson at the bible study I attend. It was amazing, I could feel the Spirit moving through me as I spoke. I was talking about evangelism, particularly personal evangelism, to people you already know that haven't accepted Christ. I'll admit I got upset toward the end thinking about two friends of mine that I shared a story about. Both started coming to church with me at the same time, but only one continued to grow in his faith and eventually accepted Christ into his life. The most moving part of the experience for me was that after I was done, a guy came up to me and told me how much what I said had convicted him, to talk to a lifelong friend of his. I told him that it was God convicting him, and that I really prayed that his friend be receptive.

Thursday was an odd day, I didn't really have any midterms but I did have two tests, a memory verse test in bible and a listening test in music. The strangest part was I was texting a girl and all she asks if I'm free btw 12 and 12:30, because she had a request. The request turned out to be would I go with her to a local elementary school to meet with some fourth grader she tutored.

I agreed, because I wanted to spend time with her we went to the school and ate lunch with the little boy she tutors, and it was fun and all, but kind of odd. She said that she had just wanted a friend to go with, so now I don't know what to think. Sometimes I think she likes me sometimes I don't and I'm the kind of that would like to have a clear idea before I make any rash moves.

The song for the day is "Fall into Sleep" by Mudvayne. because that's all I want to do just sleep, with "no more dreams."

-matt

"Who was in My Room Last Night?" by The Butthole Surfers

Ok so I have no idea what to do with my day now.

I woke up around 10:30am after what had to be about 12 or more hours of sleep. Since then I watched Auburn crush Vandy 35-7, and grabbed luch at the caf during halftime. Other than that before and after the game I've been watching The Family Force 5 Really Real Show. I have officially seen all 18 existing episodes. I'm not sure if I should be proud of that or a little depressed. the only other thing I've done is I finally hung my Auburn blanket in the window. I had to Macgyver it though (its hanging from two coat hangers that are attached to the top of the blinds).

Outside of (and sometimes during) that I've just lazed about.

The main reason I have nothing to do is that most of my friends are either out of town or have family in town (its parents weekend). The main reason I didn't mention to either of my parents is that they both work really hard and have few free days. I just saw my dad, sis, and granny, and my mom is at least 8 hours away and she is working on a promotion right now so taking that time off might hurt that.

Its all good I'm just taking a real relaxed time off.

The song for today is "Who was in My Room Last Night?" by The Butthole Surfers, because the answer is "Just me" since my roommate is out of town.

-matt

"Good Time" by Leroy

Currently I'm just bored. I don't know everything seems really bland lately. Its to the point now that not one of the 395 songs on my Ipod can seem to capture my recent times, so I've looked into the depths of my computer's hard drive and found a gem that can sum up my feelings.

"Good Time" by Leroy, because it bares the question "Are you having a good time?" which is the question I'm asking myself.

The only update is that I did sit down and talk to the girl from a while back (See the entry "Perfect Situation" for details). We spoke for nearly an hour, on kind of sporadic topics. It was a random meeting in the Student Center that turned into a rather lenghty conversation, mostly on religious topics.

I'm also planning on getting a job but I'm having trouble deciding how best to schedule it and here is a list of conflicts
Monday-Heroes (and 24 in January)
Tuesday-No conflict
Wednesday- there is a bible study I really enjoy
Thursday- The Office (and Scrubs at the end of the month)
Friday- I hate working weekends, plus I'd like to do stuff occasionally.
Saturday- see friday
Sunday-I'm not sure how I feel about working on the same day I go to church. (Also see Saturday)

My guess is that I'll work Tuesday, Give up Friday night and Saturday daytime, and probably Sunday.

Well thats it for this update more if anything happens.

-matt

"The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five

So far today has been (To quote Judd Nelson) a "Banner day".

To preface I got to go home this weekend I got to see my sister, dad, granny, friends, and Toby Mac and Family Force 5 in concert. The one thing I didn't see much of was the insides of my eyelids. I was so happy to be home I couldn't sleep, by my count it was something like 6 hours in 2 days. I tried to sleep in the car on the ride home, I succeeded but it was a restless uncomfortable sleep (no leg room). Plus, when I got back last night I was severely lacking in sleep and my friends wanted to watch 24 (which I can't refuse) so that plus a general level of restlessness kept me up until 2:30am or earlier.

All that to say that when I awoke this morning to find that I was late for my english class (a class that: I enjoy and had a paper due in, I was pissed. My alarm having been turned off by my mistake. I ran to the Library to print off my paper (yet another reason I was pissed about being late). As I walked down the sidewalk to class I felt awful because I know that my teacher is new and that she feels disrespected alot and me being late wouldn't help matters. I got to the door and didn't even think to check to see if it was locked, and rapped on the door. She opened it and said, "It was unlocked wasn't it,"

"I didn't want to interrupt," I grunted without thinking.

Then it happened, someone (they are lucky I don't know who) said "Didn't want to interrupt? What do you call knocking on the door?" And at that I was gone.

"Don't even start with me today just dont even start!" I yelled at the general assembly of the class. As I regained composure I managed to say, "My roommate turned off my alarm this, morning, sorry," and sat down, ashamed at being a person of circumstance.

I apologized to Ms. Kiser after class, but I still felt like crap. I meant to go to lectureships, but it wasn't in me. I ate some breakfast, and came back to the room, praying that my roommate wasn't in there (I didn't think I was mentally ready for it).

"The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five is the song of the day today because it says what I'm thinking: "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge I'm trying not to lose my head"

****Edit****

Well I'm doing alot better now. It really is amazing how much good, a workout can do you. I'm still kind of antsy (Restless), but I'm not sure why.

-matt

"Perfect Situation" by Weezer

First of all I would like to say that though the song of the day "Perfect Situation" by Weezer is a romantically inclined song this post is not about romantic relationships persay.

Today pretty much sucked. I have been late for 3/4 class, and I was only on time to one because it directly followed a class I had been late for.

In my class the most bizarre thing happened that though funny now was quite embarrassing at the time. I set my papers on my desk and turned to talk to a friend (The teacher hadn't quite started yet) and as I did so my lecture notes fell to the ground, and one of them (the starting page for that days lecture) managed to get sucked into the air conditioning unit on the wall next to me. Jeb witnessed this and told me about it. I didn't believe him at first but after going through my papers I found that he was incredibly correct in his statement. Following that realization were a series of apologies from me to him, that the teacher over heard. "Matt?" she called out, "is something wrong." My face turned red as I prepared to tell her what would surely sound like a less likely story than that my dog had eaten my notes.

"Um," I began, "I know this sounds crazy but my paper has been sucked up into the AC unit."

"Really?"

"Yes Ma'am," I said the class beginning to snicker. But it quickly settled down. I did eventually retrieve the rouge sheet after some prying.

But the real coup de gras of the day was that just between my core excersizes in my room and my upper body exercizes in the gym I recieved a phone call from a girl.

She was inviting me to join her in the student center for some taco bell and presumably some light conversation. This had occured several times in spontaneous burst, but my mind apparently decided this was the time it wanted to take a coffee break and it would be back in about five minutes, meanwhile instinct was left to figure out the controls.

I fumbled for words (suprised at the invite). I could hear every logical thought saying "yes," but as I said my brain was having a nice espresso somewhere. Instead I chose to tell the stupid series of lies I've told since I was five and tried to explain how my toys had been left in the rain when I had been playing by myself that day, without putting blame on me.

The conversation was something to the effect of the following:

Me:"i have no money" (lie)

Her:"Not even DCB"

Me: "No, I've spent it all"(Lie)

Her: "Really did you have $200?"

Me: "No I only had a hundred," (LIE)

Her: "I thought all freshman had to get the $200 dollar thing?"

Me: "I dunno I just didn't" (LIE!)

Her: "Well are you going to the caf" (an apparent attempt at compromise)

Me: "Actually I was about to go to the gym" (true but still a stupid response)

Her: "Oh well okay. Have fun"

It was at about this moment that my brain returned to the room with a small whip cream mustache and yelled "what is wrong with you?!" To which instinct could only respond that it wasn't trained for these kinds of encounters.

All joking aside, the question I'm asking myself is why did I behave like I did?

I didn't consider this invitation any kind of romantic encounter, I'm able to talk to this girl on a regular basis, so why the idiotic behavior?

The best answer I can come up with is that I still haven't gotten over certain traumatic aspects of my strained relationship with my mom. When she left, or more over because of the manner in which she left, I lost my ability to establish meaningful relationships with women. For the most part I have maintained those preexisting relationships, but beginning new ones is difficult for me.

This invitation seemed to offer a chance at establishing such a relationship, and I couldn't let that happen.

I pray that I will have the strength to overcome this weakness.

-matt

"Fall Back Down" by Rancid

Well its pretty early in the week to write about how dissapointing its been but none the less:

I've been really hoping to get a visitation invite from Gamma Sigma Phi (the guys club I wanted to join), but I went by my box and all that was in there was the BOX list thats been there since Saturday, sitting there teasing me about how I was accepted by the club I didn't want.

I would hold out some hope but Braden got an email and a letter in his box, so it looks like I'm done with clubs for the year. I'm not gonna pretend that it doesn't hurt because I had gotten to know alot of the guys pretty well and I really thought I was at least gonna make it to visitation week. I guess if I'm not gonna get in its better to know sooner than later.

The song of the day is "Fall Back Down" by Rancid, because "when I fall back down you're gonna help me back up again. When I fall back down you're gonna be my friend."

-matt

"Who I am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K

Today has been a truly satisfying day.

Before expounding on that I will say that today's "Song of the Day" is Who I am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K, because I'm starting to think about what I have missed out on in the past because I was too hesitant.

Which brings me to my day. It was a pretty rough start to the day, I hadn't slept well all night (up every hour on the hour so to speak), and then I woke up an hour early because my clock was set wrong and I had gone passed the point of no return in my conscious actions (I brushed my teeth) before I realized. After all this I loaded up with Mark and braden in Mark's car to go to Heber. Two other cars were involved: Jong Hwa drove himself, Matt Smith, Tom and Mattie, and Caleb drove himself, Molly, and two other girls, whose names I don't recall off hand (sorry about that I'm bad with names).

When we arrived it really hit me what all the cliff jumping talk was about. We went up to what had to be a 40 to 50 ft cliff and the others proceeded to jump, off and into water that none could touch the bottom of it. Well I'm acrophobic, so I chose not to jump dispite much proding from my friends. This did give me a chance to hang out with the girls that rode with Caleb, and watch one of them attempt several times to jump off with little success. She Wile-E-Coyoted it, a straight run and fall. Ironically mocking her without having done it myself.

Well after a while we decide to break for lunch, we went to subway where the guys discovered the wonders of microwaved cookies. We headed back and hung out near some of the smaller cliffs, and I decided to go for it. So I jumped about 15 to 25ft and it was fun.

Now I don't claim to know what happened next, but if I had to guess I would say that the jump was just the poke needed to awaken the beast within. Suddenly I was ravenous for more, I wanted, nay needed, a greater thrill,, then I knew what I needed to do I needed to conquer the roof toilet (A 'Scrubs'-based metaphor for overcoming one's weakness). So I rallied a small group into going back to the 50 foot jump and after watching Braden go over I knew that this was the moment and I went for it. The fall took forever, I plunged into the water sinking like a stone my feet grazing the bottom of the lake, my ears popping in pain. I surfaced to cheers from my friends I had done it I had conquerered the roof toilet.

After that the day only got better, save the knot on my head from a royal head knock, when I was climbing back up. I arrived back home and slept, ate a meager dinner at the caf with Mark and Braden, then we parted ways I went to my room and goofed off for a bit until Mark came by, then he, Tom, and I watched the first six episodes of The Office Season 2 (we finished Season 1 last night), and followed that up by watching Rainman (more incidental than purposeful).

And now I'm going to go to bed and hope the knot in my head will fade and the water in my ear will leave, and soaking in the knowledge of my success and the success of Auburn (not to mention the failure of bama).

-matthew

"This is Your Life" by Switchfoot

I'm giving this blog thing a serious try.

I'm continuing my pattern from previous blogs, so I'll have a "song of the day" for every post I make.

I've chosen "This is Your Life" by Switchfoot, as my first "Song of the Day" because I feel it captures these past five weeks as I've adjusted to college life. The song asks "Are you who you want to be?" and for the first time in a long time I can say, "I am closer than ever."

I've never felt better about myself than I do now. I'm not just saying, but doing. I'm being (more) extraverted, like I have never been before. I'm going to the gym every day (with few exceptions), and I'm loving my classes (especially Old Testament with Dale Manor), but even more than that I've really begun to delve into the Word of God, and I'm really starting to feel it being written on my heart. For example:

Recently I was reading through Matthew and one of the Beattitudes really hit me hard. Matthew 5:5 reads "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." What struck me was the term 'meek'.

I thought about a joke I had once heard that even if the meek didn't inherit the earth they aren't going to complain to anyone. They are too meek for that. I also considered something my youth minister once said to me, that meekness doesn't mean weakness.

He told us that Jesus was meek, because He was complient to God. Jesus had the power to prevent His capture, His torture, and His eventual crucifixion on the cross, but He didn't use it, because He was meek in respect to the Father's will.

(According to the account in John) When Jesus was told, "We are looking for Jesus of Nazareth!" He said to the detachment of soldiers (Thought to number nearly 500 men) "I am he," and at that the men fell down. He was proving to them that at a word He could be free, yet He let them take Him.

(In Matthew it reads) "Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?" he said to his disciples, but he quickly follows his statement of ability with one of meakness, "But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen this way," and so he was taken away.

He was meak, powerfully meak. All this to say, thats what I'm seeking to do, to use my gifts for God's will, not to boast in them, or defend myself with them, but to use my talents to glorify God. So from now on I will do my best to be one of the meak, that is who I want to be.

-Matthew