"Peace on Earth/The Little Drummer Boy" by Bing Crosby & David Bowie

So I apologize that I haven't been on in a while I know there aren't many people who keep up with me this way but to the few that do I'm sorry.

Well this semester was a busy one, hence my lack of updating, but I'm glad to say I escaped this trying semester with a 3.63 gpa, which isn't stellar when you consider its the first case of a B or C I've had in 2 years, and I got one of each. Oh well, the both were from classes that I took for granted as easy classes and so there was alot of work I didn't do and should be thankful I didn't get a worse grade.

as far as my social life, I'm sad to see the end of J-stan's hall which was composed of 26 of the greatest guys I know (actually 28 but those guys on the end never did anything with us, I don't even know their names). Next semester several of them, including our leader J-stan, will be leaving some for different floors others for apartments, and still others for overseas programs. Yes, second floor won't be the same.

In general I'm a better guy after this year. I know there are goals I set that I haven't yet reached but I am doing alot better. I'm more positive, more confident, overall I feel better.

I love Christmas and yet I couldn't careless. I love the season but honestly, its just another day. I've said before that I'm not much for birthday's particularly an arbitrarily chosen day in the winter. Not that I don't think that observance of the miracle that is Christ's birth is unnecessary, but that I feel there is, too, much focus on it this time of year and not at other's in fact very few songs that we sing (about Jesus) at this time of year are particular to this season but we have relagated them there because time and usage dictate them to be there. I love some of these songs and wish that I didn't have to wait a calendar year to hear them.

The Song of the Day is "Peace on Earth/The Little Drummer Boy" by Bing Crosby & David Bowie. Now that pairing is a Christmas Miracle.

-matt

"Save Me" by Remy Zero

So today I'm feeling the best I've felt in a long time, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I can't explain it really I just am and praise God for it.

we've been watching alot of Smallville lately, and its really been fun, doing all of this with the guys just hanging out having a good time.

"Save Me" by Remy Zero is the song for the day, and its all because is the Smallville theme song.

"Stand by Me" by Ben E. King

Yeah Yeah I know I'm a terrible person for not updating in so long, but I did call my mom on her birthday, so I can't be all bad.

Anyway, there's alot to say, but I'll probably gloss over the finer points since its been over a month since a post.

I do know that I've been feeling pretty down lately. Its really a combination of things. First and foremost I feel like a jerk, I'm here costing us money at school, while my family is struggling financially (although praise the LORD because my dad finally has a job!) I'm seriously considering starting up working over at Zaxby's I really don't want to but I'm going to have to make some money, some how because neither dad nor anyone else can help me out with money this year. We still haven't gotten my financial aid handled either.

I do feel like I gave a really good devo lesson, and I thank God for the ability to do that.

My classes are going well. Developmental Psychology is interesting though I bombed a test I had studied days for in that class. Acts of the Apostles has been... shall we say interesting. Don't get me wrong I like the class, but the teacher is very interesting, very animated and very knowledgeable. Research and Writing (or BRES as we call it) is by far the most boring class I have its supposed to help prepare us for researching paper, but its so intensely slow and uninteresting. Life of Christ is a great class, the teacher is an adjunct proffessor that is also a youth minister, and he really knows what he is talking about. Human Situation is kind of an odd class I'm not completely sure how I feel about it. The class seems to be all about "being able to live artfully" and I think I get that, but its not as easy to really put into practice. My favorite class believe it or not is Greek, I'm not sure what about it really appeals to me, but it does.

Else wise I don't even know my whats up in my personal life anymore, I have been enjoying time with guy friends chilling in the dorms and all, but I'm definitely wanting for more.

As a final note a major "What the Heck?" goes out to Auburn's Football Team for that horrifyingly awful display against Mississippi State last night, even if you admit to the fact that Mississippi State has a good defense and Auburn is transitioning into a new spread offense, there is no excuse for Auburn putting up all 5 points in that 3-2 victory...

The song for the day is "Stand by Me" by Ben E. King, because I just watched the movie of the same title.

-matt

"A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend

so less than a month left until school starts and I must say I'm excited.

I love my family and friends here and will miss them dearly, but there is something so inviting about school. I mean, I'll have an awesome roommate, and even though a number of my friends will be gone, I know there will be plenty of people I know still there, and plenty of people to meet.

I don't know what I'm doing in the mean time, it seems like the need to be in a relationship is spreading through the Young Proffessionals group at church and the thing is that none of them is near my age group. So even if I did like one of them, and there is definitely one I enjoy talking to and being around.

Point being that I have never understood why exactly this happens I mean first its one couple then two, and before you know it they're everywhere, and I guess my big issue is that I don't have any chance to establish a meaningful relationship in the next 20 days or so. Even if I did have the confidence for such a thing.

thats all just a little venting.

The song of the day is "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend, because it reminds me of good times had at school.

-matt

"Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra

I finally got a job at Zaxby's; its a pretty easy job, too. I press buttons, in fact I'm fairly certain that ,if it weren't for all the poo-slinging, monkeys would be doing this job. The people are alright, except for James. His name is James, and he is under the impression that everything he thinks should be verbalized and that every instruction he gives is infallible, but his most annoying trait is that whenever a cute girl shows up he makes an excuse to go out and then talks to her. I just wish that he would bring back trays or clean a little while he's out there, especially since he works drive thru and has no business going out there in the first place.

I can't believe that there's little more than a month left til school start. I'm pumped. Don't get me wrong home is nice, but I can't wait to be back at Harding, I miss the atmosphere; I miss hanging out and just chatting with people; I even miss learning. I'm excited, because I'll get, too, see old friends, and get to make some new ones. I've already kinda started I know a few people who will be freshman next year. There's this one girl, Emily, who is awesome, I haven't technically met her yet, but if she's as awesome in person, we'll be cool. If nothing else she loves Demetri Martin.

It hit me yesterday how awesome it will be having Preston as a roommate. He wants us to try to knock out the IMDB top 250 while at school. While I love the spirit of the plan, I think we need to cut it down to maybe the top 100 or top 50 because 250 is just alot that would be about two movies a day or something. Regardless, I can't wait, because he gets so passionate about things, which is just a great quality to have.

I am a little disappointed in how my summer has turned out. It had so much potential, but without getting a job until so late most of that potential has been lost. I'm looking forward to Ney-a-ti, I love helping with the kids as crazy as they are.

The song for the day is "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra, because no one sings it better.

-matt

"I'm So Tired" by The Beatles

Sometimes its hard to really keep going, ya know?

Ive been getting beat down by the application process, I just got my latest rejection and the only reason was that I wouldn't be staying past August, and I'll be honest I'd never expected that when I got here (this three day period where my dad is legally 31 days older) that I would still be unemployed.

And yet I persevere. I'm planning on going to several places today (mostly fast food places) that are within walking distance and applying, this is the last push after this I don't know what to do. I have no car so if I can't get there on foot or get a ride on a regular basis then I don't know what I'll do.

I just want to know why I can't get a decent job? Am I not meant to get one? Am I not being aggressive enough? What is it?

Anyway the Song for the Day is "I'm So Tired" by The Beatles, because my mind is on the blink.

-matt

PS Sara has a bf.

"Two Coins" by Dispatch

I know that last post was so serious so I'll try to lighten the mood a bit with a story that occurred last Friday.

It started simply enough. I get a call from Lionel telling me that we're having some kind of bachelor party for James, and that we're going to Hooters. Appropriate enough I figure, since its either that or strippers I figured that Hooters would be the better option. So around 6:30 I head across town to the Hooters and get there right as the others do, and we head in. We ran into a snag with arranging for a table because though the four of us (Ben, James, Lionel, and I) were there, we weren't sure how many others we were going to have we estimated 6 at the most, and after about 15-20 minutes of waiting, and talking, they call us and we get walked to our table, we were quickly asked if we thought we needed the two remaining chairs and from what I could tell they took the one next to James. So the layout was (from about the (clockwise from the 11 oclock position empty spot, James, Ben, (going to other side of table) Lionel, me, and empty spot (with chair)

And then she walks up, this trim beautiful woman, "Sara" as her name badge indicated. She was our waitress. She smiled at us through her brown hair that hung in her face ever so slightly. She introduced herself (in that perfectly sweet southern accent that can melt even the most hardened of men) and took our drink orders. I was stunned by her, but not surprised if you catch my meaning. We were at a Hooters, and, after all, they do pride themselves on hiring an attractive waiting staff.

After she had left, none of us taking special note of her (at least to one another) we start joking and I asked what shenanigans they had been up to, and this started us down a the road of quoting Super Troopers (as it has many times before), and then Sara approaches with our drinks and as she passes them to us she asks, "Is that from Super Troopers?" We were taken aback none of us had ever been asked if it was from that film, occasionally we got a "Oh, whats that from?" but it was never asked by name especially not by a girl. "Yeah," I said, trying to hide my shock. "Oh I love that movie!" she said, and then with out skipping a beat she finishes the quote, "Thats it I'm gonna pistol whip the next one of ya that says shenanigans." I was sold, this had to be the greatest waitress I had ever met. We laughed for a bit and then she headed off to take someone else's orders.

As I looked around I observed several girls, some in heavy flirtation with their guests. "How they guarantee a good tip," we joked. I observed some that would even sit down next with their guests while taking down their orders, so I wasn't super surprised when Sara returned and promptly took a seat next to me ("Only one available," I thought to myself) she took our orders flashed us a smile and headed off.

Then the guys started in on me. "She wants you man," "She sat next to you like it was nothing" and so on. I protested, "Alot of the girls here sit next to the customers while they take down the orders, and this was the only seat." "Was it?" James said, I looked around the corner of the table to see that that stool had either never left or at least found its way back to us. "Why would she sit next to me?" I said.

Now I don't consider myself to be hideous but I'm not exactly a stunning male specimen either. I certainly figured if she was given the choice she would have picked James over me.

My friends reasoning? She was interested in me. "Whatever guys," I said. This wouldn't be the first time they had thought something like this would be funny. Plus, few guys really get nervous under pressure quite the way I do and if anyone knows it its these 3 guys (The bastards). I did my best to shrug it off, but then she did something, hard to ignore.

She sat back down at the table, less like a waitress, and more as if she was a member of our party who had left for the bathroom and was just now coming back to the table. Then she turned to me paying no mind to the others, "Do you know who you look like?" she asked me, "Here we go," I thought, as I watched the guys all try to hide their ear to ear smiles. "I have heard a few before, but go for it." We were all waiting to hear: "Josh, from Drake and Josh," or "Andy Milonakis," or even "A Fat Adam Brody (of The OC)," we had heard all of them before, but she added a new one. "That guy from... oh whats that movie, Accepted or Unaccepted?" We knew exactly who she meant. Jonah Hill, a tubby guy, with a reddish brown fro, who appeared not only in Accepted but several other movies, most prominently in Superbad. In fact she joked with me that I should change my last name to Mcluvin.

The guys couldn't hold back their laughter, but she seemed to pick up on my discomfort and quickly added "He's one of my favorite actors!" "Well thanks," I said not wanting her to fret over whether or not I felt insulted and honestly I wasn't I've been compared to worse.

My focus actually lay more on the special attention I was getting and it wasn't lot on my friends either. And after much joking the finished by essentially stating, "Flowers man you've gotta ask her for her number." "Oh, great," I thought, "this is a fair expectation, I mean, I'm just the most insecure guy at the table (ok maybe Ben was normally, but in this moment I was definitely the one leading that race), and they want me, a fat white guy to ask out this gorgeous woman, yeah I'm sure this is what she wants. To get hit on I'm sure she gets this alot."

I was still staunchly arguing to convince them, and somewhat to convince myself, of all the reasons it won't work. "Come on," they pushed. Luckily two other waitresses arrived with our food, well their food, I should say, you see once all the plates were on the table I found myself lacking, Sara then came by hurriedly, assessed our drinks and went off to get refills and when she returned she asked, "Everybody have everything?" With a small laugh in my voice I said, "Well, I don't have my food." "Oh! I'm soo sorry I'll go check and see what happened."

"She just wants to give it to you herself," they said (and note they weren't all speaking in unison, but I was a bit distracted to take note of which of them was saying what. "Yeah, right," I said, but sure enough when the food arrived it was her carrying the plate, but she hurried off, to another customer. As I took a bite of the burger, they looked at me smiling, "Told you!" And as if that wasn't enough she returned sat next to me and asked, "Hows it goin Mcluvin? Was the burger worth the wait?" Yeah I said and we chatted for a bit, she even showed me her cell phone, though I have yet to figure any purpose to that move. As she walked off this time I thought "Maybe she is interested." I really began to turn to that thought when she returned, and she says, "I'm gonna write you a note." and she wrote, "Hi (drawn heart) Sara." I was convinced but to ask her for a number seemed to be a bit much.

Just as it seemed to be going down hill, pressure was still coming, but I wasn't going to fold, Jose and his date, arrive. "Lucky me," I thought sarcastically, because now we were guaranteed another 30 minutes or so, and Sara's seat would now be gone. The seat order now stood, Jose's date, James, Ben, Lionel, me, and Jose. Now despite my disagreement with my friends assessment of the situation, and what they argued were clear signs of her liking me, I was enjoying getting attention from a girl that had never met me before. The guys caught Jose up on what had happened so far and then he proceeded to berate me in overdrive to make up for the lost time he could have been mocking me.

When she arrived, instead of standing between the two who were ordering who were both on the end of table, she stood between Jose and I, and she got pretty close, too. When she left I had nothing left to argue with. I tried feebly to say that she stood there to stay out of the way of people walking there, but that was about as well founded as a blind man's vote for best cinematography. "Get her number," one of them said, another said at least get a picture, "What?" Asking for a picture would make it look like all I cared about was having people think I know this beautiful girl which wasn't my goal.

Finally Jose sends his final threat, "Matt, if you don't ask for her number when she comes back I'm going ask her to take a picture with you." and there it was the rock and the hard place. Either I man up and ask her, or I get humiliated in front of her. When she came back she offered us a chance for more to drink and Jose looked at me, then began to ask, "Excuse me can you do me a fav-"

"Sara," I interrupted, turning away from the others looking her dead in her beautiful eyes. "Can I get your phone number?" "Are you serious," she asked. "Yeah," I said wavering for a second, I heard the silence of my friends, and felt their eyes on me. "Okay! yeah," she said with a smile, and she began to add her number to the napkin note. "Oh no, I've forgotten it, hang on," she tried to pull it up on her phone, "Oh, well call someone with it," She handed me her phone, "and that will work." I called myself as she walked off, and my friends began to celebrate my success.

When she returned she asked for the remaining digits, and I told her them, she walked off smiling. The only point after that when I kinda tripped was when my card was declined (a stupid walmart card my mom had gotten for me, that was having issues with the attempt to split the tab between cash and credit. So I had to bum money off of Ben, but we sat there waiting and she was interrupted and had to go up front and clap for some birthday thing. Let me tell you its the closing thing I've ever experienced to "cheer flirting" as she clapped she kept her eyes on me and mine were on hers. She rolled her eyes at this stupid thing she had to do, and kept shining that amazing smile at me.

Needless to say even after I left, I've been enamored with her and that night, and I've gotten to talk to her via text a few times, and I'm really picking up the job search in hopes of getting a chance to ask her out before the 3 week rule (mentioned in a previous article takes affect, see October 17, 2007 "Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters).

The song of the day is "Two Coins" by Dispatch, just because it was playing as I left the restaurant.

-matt

"Its Going to Be Okay," by The Scrubs Cast

"Then let us no more pass judgment on one another, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother." (Romans 14:13 RSV) Thats what the Bible says, its a well quoted verse in discussions of dealing with those who already live as believers. Now many argue that this "stumbling block" the Hebrew of which is pronounced mick-shole, meaning an obstacle or enticement and the Greek is pronounced scan-dal-on (from which is derived the English word scandal), meaning a snare, or something that offends, in either case the point is easily made that we as Christians should guard our behaviors so that we do not hinder the spiritual growth of our brothers and sisters, or even those whose hearts are still seeking.

My question is this should we include in this that sitting idly by while someone is going away from the Lord and his directions for us? I feel we should for the first time since I began this page I am going to hold back on some details of a story. The short of which is that I have discovered several stumbling blocks in the way of my sister and father. My question becomes "Does Paul's direction in Romans, extend to the removal of stumbling blocks others put in there own way?"

Corinthians 5 opens with a statement from Paul about what should be done with those Christians who are purposefully and with intent going into the darkness. Paul gives us the example of a man sleeping with his father's wife (probably the boys stepmother given the phrasing of it), and his directions about such a man are this v5 "I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus."

So should I allow my family members to start down that path ? Mind you they are both just now going onto that broad road of Matthew 7, the narrow way is still in sight.

I'll try to figure it out.

"Its Going to Be Okay," by The Scrubs Cast. Yeah I picked a song from the scrubs soundtrack but few songs sound that reassuring.

-matt

"A Town Called Hypocrisy" by the Lost Prophets

I'm exhausted so I'll probably keep this one short.

My primary issue for this post is my dad. I don't know whats going on with him. He's way to obsessed with facebook for his own good. He is on there every chance he gets while he's home, and when he's not he's talking to some lady (and there are a few) on the phone. I don't like it. Its just not dad, I'm starting to see why Liz tries to find every excuse to get out of the house. One of these ladies he claims to really like, but then he's stringing along some other woman because she might have some leads on a job.

Its sickening really, I mean even as I type this he's on the phone with one of them, talking all sickeningly sweet, and trying to sound like what he thinks that lady likes. Its just weird and wrong. The weekend I got home he goes out Saturday night and does the walk of shame into the house the next morning just in time, to wash the stink off of himself, and go to church. Never mind that he isn't married to this woman or the facts of biblical advisories about such behavior, or the fact that we really couldn't afford him taking the hour long drive to there and back. This is my dad, who professes self-control and the distinctions between nicety and necessity.

He has always laughingly proclaimed the idea of the double standard between parents and children, but I know for sure that if I, or God forbid Liz, ever followed such an example we'd be punished until we forget what the sun looks like.

The song for the day is "A Town Called Hypocrisy" by the Lost Prophets. Thats what it feels like sometimes when I'm dealing with my dad.

-matt

"Lithium" by Nirvana

So I promised more posts and I'm trying to keep good on it.

Man, you know sometimes I wonder why I do this thing, I'm not sure who I'm talking to or if anyone is even out there to read this. I guess it is a somewhat cathartic experience for me, just a chance to voice my opinion. oh heck I'll keep doing it.

I like to think, alot, and generally what I've found is that I begin to over think things, people, events, etc. I build up all this anxiety about what people are thinking about me, might be thinking about me, or (and I know its crazy) might not be thinking about me. I'm hoping to get a job that doesn't leave me much time for such ponderings, I'm looking into doing fence building work. It would be a good workout, in the sun and heat (sweating and tanning according to girls), for decent pay. It'd be a far cry better than working for a fast food joint, and better for me.

I can't wait for next school year: There will be a new crop of people to meet and get to know, I'll be living with Preston, which should be sweet. The only downside to next year half of my friends during both semesters, are going overseas.

Well today's song of the day is "Lithium" by Nirvana because lithium is supposed to be this amazing cure for anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorders, but no one is quite sure why, or how it works.

- matt

"Let My Love Open the Door" by Peter Townshend

Okay, so as usual its been a while since a post. I'm not sure where to start. I guess I'll start with school.

My classes ended for regular semester, it was rougher than I thought to say goodbye to the guys, and short hall in general. I got an email about 2 weeks ago telling me I made the Dean's List, and when I checked my transcript it was showing all A's which is pretty cool getting a 4.0 for my freshman year, though it does set me up for quite the fall when I finally get a B.

More recently I just got done with intersession, which was both awesome and awful. I was lucky to be taking a class thats not to labor intensive, mostly just alot of reading. I think I've aced the course, but it might be a week or so before I get the final grade for the class.

I'm home now, and desperately seeking a job. I'm sleeping on a couch in my family's new house. That might sound like a complaint but honestly I'd probably do this at the old house, too. I'm not quite sure yet about the dynamics I'm entering back into, there has clearly been some shift in the household. Dad is out of a job now and liz has never had one. Both of them (my dad and sister) seem to have lowered there moral mindsets. Both recognize the necessity of God, and of the church (the people not the building), but at the same time they also seem to be very inward focused as far as how decisions should be made.

Dad seems less aware of his changes in behavior, refusing to recognize that he should be a father first and then have a social life, its a change he made at some point, but he has regressed back to an earlier point. I think that the less he gets to deal with adults on a regular basis (the loss of mom, and now his job), the more he clings to it, by seeking out friends through facebook, and trying to make some more lady acquaintances. I mean just last night he went and spent the whole night some where else. Now if this were any other man I wouldn't care, but my dad, a rational man mind you, decides to travel well over an hour away to see one such lady. What the hell? especially after giving a speech to his daughter about the need to conserve gas usage and how we shouldn't waste gas on needless trips (to her bf's house across town), and laying down a decree (of sorts) that she has to get a job in order to get gas money.

As far as Liz, she is far more a victim. Not to say she is necessarily innocent, but when given one role model who ran away from the problem and another who is acting less responsible by the moment (though he will undoubtedly be pissed to read that), what better can she think than that certain rules and conventions aren't as important. I considered the other day that, though its sad to say, if she weren't with a guy who is so truly frightened of my dad and I physically, and that she still holds some levels of logic, I wouldn't be horrifically suprised to hear I was going to be an uncle.

Well I'd better get off, dad needs to use the computer. I'll be back sooner or later I'm sure, I doubt this is the end of this little adventure.

The song of the day is, "Let My Love Open the Door" by Peter Townshend, because it was well used in Dan in Real Life which was a great film, though maybe hit a little too close to home.

-matt

"Weatherman" by George Fenton & Harold Ramis

Got my schedule squared away today. Biblical Research and Writing, Human Sit I (an honors class that happens once a week on a Tuesday, from 3pm to 5:30pm), Developmental Psychology (with a teacher that everyone has told me to avoid, but he is the only teacher for that class), Greek (the First of 3 classes) Life of Christ, and Acts of the Apostles. I'm also taking General Psychology over Intercession.

I'm really looking forward to have a schedule that is heavy in Bible classes, It will be a major change from how its been.

Tonight I went two-stepping again, I danced alot, a couple of times with this much older lady, she was fun though, apparently I reminded her of her grandsons. I also dance with two other girls closer to my own age. Afterwards, we went to the underground and played Shoots and Ladders, and Outburst. I really found this one girl rather intriguing. She was the only girl I didn't dance with. She's fun and bubbly!

"Weatherman" by George Fenton & Harold Ramis, because its the opening and closing song to Groundhog Day, which I'm watching. Interesting side note the writer's of the song were the Co-Producer and Director of the movie.

-matt

"C'mon C'mon" by the Von Bondies

Its been a long while since I last posted. I meant to do one Friday, so I'll just go ahead and start there.

Went two stepping Friday night with some friends,. It was a really good time though, had lots of fun, even though I only slow danced, and I only did that twice, but it was a good time. I watched some of the office and a movie with friends when I got back, then when I was in my room (around 3:45am) falling asleep in my chair, when I hear the alarm going off, all of the sudden Rob, who had been staying with friends in Allen, bursts through the door and promptly nudes up and jumps in the bathroom on the off chance any one comes looking for them he planned to claim he was in there the whole time.

Saturday I didn't do much of anything, a little homework here and there, but mostly I read this amazing book The Gutter by Craig Gross (more on that later) and then stayed up way too late watching the office after like 3 hours of 24.

Sunday, I woke up too late for church went to a late lunch, and then (to my horror) I discovered that my book bag with my bible, and my math and geology books and notebooks was missing (and is still missing). So I couldn't do any of the homework I had planned to do. I went to Ashley Moore's birthday party and then I went to Downtown with Brooklyn, Laura, Ashley, and Preston.

Yesterday was a long day I didn't get to sleep til 4 because I was doing and ETS (thats Epistle Theme Sheet) on 2 Timothy while trying to watch The Office (terrible combo). Got my Geo test back, 85%, seems to be all I can do in most classes now. It just kills me that I study so hard for these tests and I keep making mid range B's. I take all the notes; I study for hours; I read the chapters, and for what? A stupid B! The only class I feel good about is my Bible class because he gives us so many opportunities for extra points (1400 points worth of quizzes tests and assignments, only 900 for an A). I just can't seem to absorb much of the stuff, last semester was a breeze, barely even had to study for those tests. This semester, there is always something that just doesn't stick, some little factoid that I remember as soon as the test is over, or that (when I get a chance to review the test) I recognize as something I had looked at several times in studying.

One of the good things about yesterday was that I got to talk a girl from my lit class that I never talk to, that whole intimidated by pretty girls thing. Talked to her for about 15 mins in the student center.So a step in the right direction with that issue. Also i got to go to Kelly's and Macye's birthday party.

Today, how do I begin to talk about today? Well I guess its time this is mentioned on here, sorry Dad that I haven't told you about this part of my life sooner. About a year and a half ago, when my parents were splitting up, I got really depressed and got introduced to a couple of people (friends of friends) who liked to throw parties. Well we started to hang out, alot. Slowly but surely I got sucked into that world, drinking, smoking, painkillers they were all par for the course at one of these parties, at least for us.

Then at one such party on April 14th, my friend a girl name Cherrie (pronounced Share-ie) got so drunk that she passed out and nearly died of alcohol poisoning. Thankfully, the police as well as paramedics arrived. I made the call I hadn't had anything to drink yet (having just shown up moments before she collapsed) so I was just told to go home once I found out that she was alright. So as I drove home, early on the morning of the 15th, I promised myself that I wouldn't be a part of that lifestyle ever again, because I had brought Cherrie along for the ride and was almost responsible for her death, and I haven't had a drop of alcohol sense. For an entire year. So that makes today my sobriety day. Thats right my sobriety day is 5 days before 4-20 so you can see how serious I am about that
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Seperate and apart from that, I find myself dealing with alot of questions lately, is youth ministry what I want to do with my life, if not what should I do. This question has been haunting me since that fateful interview at Reidland Church of Christ in KY, but then I read The Gutter and I began to seriously consider if this was the right choice for me. The whole book is about going out and ministering to people where they are "in the gutter." Its not a revolutionary idea by any stretch of the imagination. Its what Jesus did he didn't ask all the sinners to join him at temple to hear the good news, sometimes he didn't even start off telling them about it. He fed them, and healed them. One of the primary verses that guides Gross is Matthew 25:35-40 particularly verse 40 which says "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" There is truly too much in this book for me to do it justice, read it if you can.

Its lead me to ask questions of where I should go and what I should do with my life, I'm praying for the wisdom to make the right choice. I also emailed the career center to see if they can help me figure it out (they claim to have some ability to help those that are Undeclared maybe it'll work for me too.)

The song of the day is "C'mon C'mon" by the Von Bondies, because not only is it the theme for Rescue Me (an awesome show) but also it has come up first twice when I shuffled my Ipod, not to mention they're right, "things were good when we were young."

-matt

"Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex

Well I only made it 90 hours, but since I did "The Happy Dance" in the caf its all good.

Well Spring Sing has come and gone, and I must say that of all the performances I don't think that the christmas themed one should have been the winner, I was really feel that TNT/ZP should have one but Iota Chi/PTP/GSP or XO/DGR were both far and away better than Kojies.

I've been thinking alot lately about how most of the girls I'm around, I'm only around because of my friends about how in one on one interactions with any of them they are pretty reserved. I've come to the conclusion that for the most part they only even bother with me because I'm a friend of the people they really want to be around. I can't say I blame them, I mean I'm just a big, obnoxious guy to them, but whatever.

The Theme Song for the Day is "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex, because it was the song playing in my head while I danced.

-matt

"Fall into Sleep"by Mudvayne

So I made the rather hazardous decision of trying to see how long I can go without sleep. In itself a rather meager attempt. However, the risk comes from the fact that my friends now seem united to see me fail in my ultimate goal to make it until Spring Sing on Saturday night.

The song for the day is "Fall into Sleep"by Mudvayne because that is what I'm avoiding.

-matt

"I'm a Lumberjack" by Monty Python

So, what would you think if you said that I wanted to quit being a bible major?

I'm just not sure its where I belong. Maybe its just what my that my dad said while I was home that is messing with me, but I keep thinking about all the other things I might be good at or might be good at. I'm not sure what yet, but I'm going to try to find out.

Also I'm really irratated with my limited transport access now that I have money, because if I want to ask a girl out I can't take her anywhere.

The song of the day is "I'm a Lumberjack" by Monty Python. Because that was a guy who knew what he wanted to do in life.

-matt

"Up to the Mezzanine" by The Nobility

I've just watched a crazy movie, called the Nines with Ryan Reynolds. It was awesome. Its one of those movies where the more you watch the more the crazy stuff begins to make sense.

Anyway as far as the rest of my break I'd have to say its pretty lame. I mean not that I don't enjoy spending time with my Dad and Sis but all of my friends are in school or class all day, and most of them work when they aren't there.

Its been a slow week, but I do get to interview at the end of the week, with Reidland Church of Christ in Paducah, KY. I'm not sure what lesson I'm gonna do for them, Mike Darling (the Youth Minister) told me that he is open to whatever I have to offer.

So what do I do? I have no idea.

The song for the day is "Up to the Mezzanine" by The Nobility. I've chosen this song because it is a really fun song.

-matt

"Riverboat" by The Nobility

Wow I'm not sure what to post but I feel I should post something.

I sometimes just sit around and don't want to anything I've begun to feel really worthless lately. I always get this way in the few weeks after Valentine's Day. I just have yet to be able to overcome my fear of asking a girl out here. As I've said before there was a time when I was at least competent at it.

I just hide behind one excuse after another. First it was that they'd want nothing to do with a guy that looks like me. Which is proven a false theory time and time again in this place. Then I blame it on a lack of money and a car, but there is plenty to do around hear that is within walking distance and/or cheap so I can't confidently make that argument. I think part of it is that I'm not always very trusting of my choices in girls I've been burned a few times.

And because of that inability I judge myself really harshly, which is unfair to myself. I just don't know.

"Riverboat" by The Nobility, because "OH! you know how to bring a man down."

-matt

well I think that's all for today.

"Santeria" by Sublime

Don't you ever wish you could figure out what the future held?

I know I do. Alot of times, I feel like if I just knew what came next I'd have a better chance of making decisions now.

Or maybe mind reading. I just wish I could figure out this girl in my Geology class. I really enjoy talking to her and joking with her in class and we continuously try to hang out outside of class mostly to study but there have been a few other occassions, but no matter what it never seems to pan out.

Complicating matters further she has a boyfriend. Though she never mentions him, or makes mention of even having one. I just don't know what to do.

I don't see her tomorrow because I have a youth internship interview tomorrow with a church in Brownsville, TX which is about 4 miles from the border. Lets see how it goes.

The theme song for the day is "Santeria" by Sublime, because "I don't practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball."

-matt

"Can't Takes My Eyes off of You" by Frank Sinatra

I'm becoming more and more aware that people actually read these posts.

That being said, I think I'm going to start doing some over hauling in my life getting rid of things I dislike and adding some things I so.

For example, I'm going to stop being intimidated by girls, in particular the pretty ones. I've seen enough guys around here that are rank low in the asthetics department with beautiful girls, so I'm going to move past that weakness. In particular there is this absolutely stunning girl in my biology class. Minimum she is an 8.5 of 10, and I'm petrified to even speak to her but I can't stop from staring while that class is going on, I think I might change that.

I'm sure there are others but that is a primary goal.

The song for the day is "Can't Takes My Eyes off of You" by Frank Sinatra, in memory of the late great Heath Ledger, and because I think it applies.

"Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed

Well, I'm officially very sick. My head is pounding, my nose is running, and stopped up all at once. My sneezing and coughing reflexes are on red alert, and my throat feels like its on fire.

I missed out on a job opportunity today, but I'm still really hopeful that I can find something. I've been spending my waking hours, practicing chords on my guitar and playing video games... oh and sleeping, alot.

I'm going to see the nurse tomorrow, I hope she has something that will just knock me out.

I have broken an unwritten rule that I have about naming blogs. I have named two consecutive entries after songs by the same artist. The song of the day is "Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed. I should hope that the reason would be obvious.

-matt

"Remember" by Disturbed

As I look back on this past years of my life and consider all I've done with my life, I've begun to consider all those whose lives have been tied to mine for even a moment. Those I've bumped into and apologized to, those who have served me at restaurants, those I've met through friends, those who became friends, and those that I couldn't live without it.

I've wondered what my life would be like without them, and what they're lives would be like without me. I think about those I left on bad terms, those whose lives I've heard of going down hill after my departure from them. I wonder if I could have done anything. If I had stayed connected with them, would their lives have varied. Would mine?

I've been thinking about my friend James alot since I saw him last week. I remember meeting him, and the slow sometimes painful progression of our friendship. I remember the times he looked after me, and I him.

Then I consider where he is now. He is going down a rough path. He decided not to go to college. He's engaged to a girl that he used to hate. A girl who is dedicated to removing all of his friends from his life. Most of us haven't recieved an invite to his wedding and probably won't. Only one of us was invited, as the best man, but he has something else he is dedicated to. Plus he doesn't support the marriage. Most of us are willing to accept him being with this girl, like her or not, but what we don't support is him getting married so young with no prospect of ever having a college education.

The worst thing is she is using us not liking her as a reason for him to avoid us. Everytime we want to hang out, she has to be there. He is definitely in the top 10 of the most influential people in my life, which makes it so hard to watch him just give up and settle like this. He has always been smarter than any of us, in school and most other stuff, but he never saw reason to try, and now he never will.

"Remember" by Disturbed...nuff said.

-matt